Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I have post one night stand depression
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
