I think I died a long time ago.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
