I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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