I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
