Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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