Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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