this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
