If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
