In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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