Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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