I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
