Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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