I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
