WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
