I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
