Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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