Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
