i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize