Pregnant stripper...not hot.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
