I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
