Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
