I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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