What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
