whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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