its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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