I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Just pee around me
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize