when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
