shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
time to smoke my breakfast
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
