I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
