Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
