I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
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