Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
