I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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