I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Where is the hickey?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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