I CAN MOONWALK!
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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