I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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