When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
