They should really pass out barf bags in church
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
