Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
