I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
