i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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