You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
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