Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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