I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
