Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
