ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
