I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
