I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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