My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize