The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
