Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
