So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
