You smell like stripper and shame
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
