More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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