So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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