I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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