I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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