Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Hippo gnu deer
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
