I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
