So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
