Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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