There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
