You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i used baking grease as lip gloss
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
