Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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