I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
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