I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
