I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize