Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
