he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
